We all want a relationship that is emotionally fulfilling.  We want to feel loved, valued and respected by our partner.  Lots of relationships start off this way.  There is the thrill of getting to know each other and the joy we experience when we feel a deeper connection to one another.

As your relationship grows and evolves over time, it can be hard to maintain these feelings.  The initial thrill is impossible to recapture because it is something that happens in the early stages of a relationship.

As your relationship progresses, you learn more about each other and you don’t always like what you discover.   Sometimes the negative aspects seem to outweigh the positive ones and then you must take stock of the relationship and determine whether this is the right relationship for you, or at least see if there is a way to make the relationship better.

Learn How to Manage the ‘UPS’ and ‘DOWNS’

When you’re in a committed relationship, you are going to experience the ups and downs that are part and parcel of any significant relationship.  All relationships have these ups and downs and it is nothing to be ashamed of.  The focus needs to be on how you manage the ‘downs’ so they don’t erode or destroy your relationship altogether.  Successful couples are those that find ways to manage these ‘bumps’ in their relationship so that they can still remain close and connected.

Think of your Relationship as a Bank Account

A healthy bank account is important for your well-being.  You need to be able to make deposits and withdrawals without ‘breaking the bank.’

Deposits can be anything that adds value to your relationship, such as:

• Being considerate of your partner 
• Doing something for your partner that s/he appreciates
• Listening to him/her
• Spending quality time together…

You get the idea!

Deposits and Withdrawals

The trick is to make regular deposits so that your bank account is constantly growing.

This way, when you have a fight or the pressures of everyday life take their toll, your relationship has a better chance of weathering these hard times.

If your account has a healthy balance, then withdrawals here and there, such as fights or anything that negatively impacts the relationship, won’t leave your relationship bankrupt.  The deposits will always outweigh the withdrawals.

Invest yourself in the relationship to yield rewarding dividends.

Remember that the act of making deposits and withdrawals is not always equal.  Sometimes one of you will be putting more ‘into the account’ than the other.  This is the way relationships work:  you often take turns carrying each other through some of the more difficult times in your relationship.

If you find that you are withdrawing more than you are depositing, then your bank account is in trouble and it might be time to ask for some help.

If you get stuck, working with a couples’ therapist to address and resolve the issues in your relationship can help you to maintain a healthy balance.